I’ve read one too many blog posts and listened to three too many girls’ complaints regarding the newest movement to rid our Future Husband Lists of the slandered title, “Returned Missionary”.
So, naturally my opinionated mouth was itching to virtually shout my thoughts. Ready. Set. Go!
First off, I know some have distasteful thoughts on the archaic “lists” we so graciously divvy out for every circumstance. If you want to know my thoughts on lists, please refer to previous posts. This particular post is going to be in favor for the sake of my point.
Since birth we’ve been rewriting our list our future husband will so easily satisfy, especially as Mormons. I remember the days in Young Women we were handed sheets of paper and told to write down our standards for our EC’s (an endearing abbreviation for Eternal Companion commonly used amongst our culture). Temple marriage was at the top of all the lists via common consent, followed by returned missionary, maybe throw in an eagle scout or two and a sweet finish with the superficial request of blue eyes.
I’ve known I would marry a returned missionary since I could chicken scratch the ideal on the first of many lists. My father is a returned missionary, my older brother is and my younger brother will be in 8 months. My little sister will be, too! But I just added that for bragging rights…
Want to know my beef with this notion for “taking RM off my list”? Here it is… men are commanded to do it. There, that should be all you need to write over that freshly dried white out. I’ll give you a moment for revision, meanwhile I’ll be eating… per usual.
Every prophet from Spencer W. Kimball on has repeated this command. There is no question, every worthy and able man should serve a mission. (see quotations below). My exceptions? A convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints over the age of 26 when he is not allowed to serve any longer and did not have a chance before, or someone no longer of age but who, through repentance, attained worthiness for the temple later in life. My other exceptions? None, that’s it. Finally, a short list!
What on this slightly brown and blue Earth is making girls think that removing this condition will help them find a more worthy and well suited spouse? I call poppycock!
Here’s the brass tacks ladies… just don’t make that your ONLY contingency. Duh.
Commence classic Liz Lemon eye roll:
I have met more than my fair share of rude, immoral, and horrible returned missionaries. Wake up and realize that just because someone wore a name tag for two years does not mean they are automatically worthy of your hand. Some guys were incredibly dense and selfish and they will have to pay for that, but don’t get a joint bank account because he tells stories from the exotic land of the Normal Illinois, South Mission.
I want a husband that will keep the commandments, that’s final. He will be the priesthood head of my home and will be well vetted prior to assure proper quality. If serving a mission is a commandment (which it is), then he will have chosen to obey that one or I will wait the two years for his return. How can I adequately raise my children to honor and cherish the opportunity of serving a mission if their father tells them he never went on one because his schooling program was much too intense; or he wasn’t in the right mind set at the time, but he cleaned up just in time to get married in the temple? Not on my dime, I have too much at stake to risk my salvation on someone who won’t work hard for the Lord.
Disclaimer: we all have our free agency. Going on a mission is not compulsory or mandated, you don’t need to have served one to go into the temple or even the Celestial Kingdom…but what I want is to find someone who wants to sacrifice two years of his life in the service of the Lord. That right there speaks volumes about their work ethic and priorities. Divorce is a toothless tiger that need not ever strike if both parties of the marriage work hard, love God most, and keep the commandments. Lies, secrets, addictions, and selfishness can and will ruin any marriage that it can seep its black tar into.
Starting matrimony off with two worthy and hard working people will be much to their advantage. Having the patriarch of the family be a returned missionary is an added bonus that God allows, letting him have that strength, knowledge, and experience already gained for the benefit of his eternal family.
Young men, we need you to be missionaries. We need you to study your scriptures and have a mature testimony of the truth of this gospel.
There is a war going on, taking every precautionary measure to assure your stance on the Lord’s side sounds like a good idea to me. Pray about it, ponder it in your hearts, gain a testimony of this commandment for yourselves, then put it to practice and don’t compromise. God wants the absolute best for you, don’t you?
Big hug, little hug, little kiss,
Tawnymara
Quotes from the Big Cheese’s!
Ezra Taft Benson:
“Not only should a mission be regarded as a priesthood duty, but every young man should look forward to this experience with great joy and anticipation. What a privilege—what a sacred privilege—to serve the Lord full time for two years with all your heart, might, mind, and strength.”
And of course our living prophet today is President Thomas S. Monson, and he has repeated the call:
“I repeat what prophets have long taught—that every worthy, able young man should prepare to serve a mission. Missionary service is a priesthood duty—an obligation the Lord expects of us who have been given so very much. Young men, I admonish you to prepare for service as a missionary. Keep yourselves clean and pure and worthy to represent the Lord” (President Thomas S. Monson, As We Meet Together Again, October 2010).
Howard W. Hunter became Church President, and this is what he said:
“Earlier prophets have taught that every able, worthy young man should serve a full-time mission. I emphasize this need today” (Howard W. Hunter, “Follow the Son of God”, Ensign, Nov. 1994, 87).
This is what President Spencer W. Kimball said:
“The question has been often asked, Is the mission program one of compulsion? And the answer, of course, is no. Everyone is given his free agency. The question is asked: Should every young man fill a mission? And the answer of the Church is yes, and the answer of the Lord is yes.
Twisting Tawnymara 
Do you believe in Jesus Christ? Do you believe in His Atonement? Do you believe that you can be forgiven of sin? If so then this post is very hypocritical and not well thought out. It like saying I want to marry a women who has never had alcohol before. But just because this one young women made a stupid mistake one night, and had one drink, and never another I should just right her off as unworthy for me. I realize that these two commandments are different but the principle is the same. No one is perfect. Just because a young man makes a mistake and does not go on a mission does not mean he cannot be a worthy priesthood holder or eternal companion.
On my “list” I wanted to marry a women who had saved herself for marriage. I met a wonderful women, and after dating for 2 months she told me that she had not saved herself for marriage and had many sexual relations with her steady boyfriend in high school. She had confessed and gone through all the necessary repentance steps as set by her priesthood leaders (long before I met her), and was a worthy member of the church and had been for a long time. Should I have left her right there and then? We have been married for just over 5 years with 2 beautiful children and a third on the way. I am not saying it was easy, but it was worth it. My wife is the love of my life and I am glad I did not let a past transgression get in the way.
Think about this, I baptized a 21 year old young man, we had taught him for almost 2 months before he was baptized. He wanted to go on a mission so bad, however like most normal 21 year olds he was in college. He was over $30,000 in debt from school loans. The church does not allow you to go on a mission if you are in debt. There was nothing he could do. He tried so hard to get out of debt, to get approval for an exception. He was not able to go on a mission. He has now been married to for almost 2 years to a wonderful young women (lifelong church member) who looked past the fact that he did not go on a mission.
I am not trying to sound mean, and I apologize if it comes across this way. And I am not saying it is a bad thing to want to marry a return missionary, but please do not just write a guy off because he did not go on a mission. Look at who he is now. If he truly is not the eternal companion for you. Then Heavenly Father will let you know. While I think marrying a RM is great, it can be just as great marrying a man who is worthy to hold the priesthood of God now even though he made a mistake when he was younger.
I do appreciate your posts and reading about your opinion, it is nice to hear someone who is not afraid to speak their mind. There needs to me more people like that. Good luck finding your Eternal Companion, I hope you find everything you are looking for.
Thank you for your thoughts! I can understand where you are coming from.
I absolutely believe in the atonement and use it every day in my life. I never said I expected to marry someone perfect, that is clearly impossible. That is why I said “and if not, I will wait the two years for his return”. If I meet someone under the age of 26 who has repented from their past, they still have the opportunity to serve before marriage, and that’s what I expect.
I am so sorry about your friend that could not serve because of debt. That should not have happened because I know the church does allow you to serve with student loan debt, having been approved of it myself as well as my brother.
I know that God forgives and forgets and the atonement of Christ is very real, but, that does not excuse a man of not going on a mission if he is still of age and able to attain worthiness.
I believe in the power of Christ and the words of God from His prophets. If serving a mission is a vital priesthood duty, then I am proud it is at the top of my list.